Dear Parents,




Michele and I continue our search for a book on parenting for our community to read this summer. Michele is way ahead of me in actual reading, and I am striving to keep up.  The latest book I have been reading is The Parents We Mean to Be by Richard Weissbourd.




Weissbourd is a professor at Harvard's Graduate School of Education, and since I missed a webinar presented by him, I was very happy to read the book.  So much of what he says rings true for me.  I appreciate that most of this work is based on research, not simply his opinion.




Perhaps one of the most revealing things to me was the role of shame that parents unwittingly bring into their children's lives. It made me reexamine statements I had made as a parent and helped me understand why one of my daughters as an adolescent accused me, more than I would like to remember, of making her feel guilty. Guilt is the second most negative issue that parents can promote without knowing it.




All of this starts at a very early age. When we strive so hard to provide our children with rich lives, we can disregard that our negative body language does not match our positive words, that we can be dismissive of our children when they voice discontent even though by all appearances things seem to be going well, that we need to provide time to listen and empathize without taking over and "fixing" the problem.




His honesty about his own failings as a parent and community member brings authenticity to his writing. For example, he relates a story of a child he had coached, who had been at risk, and years later he saw this young person being arrested. Weissbourd relates that he might have been able to help if he had tried to create a safety network within the community for that child. There is great power in the school community to develop not only our own child's well being, but that of all children within the community.




I think his goal of having children grow into people who not only think morally, but act morally, is worthy. Knowing what is right and wrong does not make you do it. While there are good things to glean from this book for all parents, even empty nesters like me, his book to me seems more geared to parents of older students.  I value his thinking, but I don't think this is the best common read for parents in The Nest this coming year.  It would be great for middle school parents.  I wonder what Michele thinks.




"Shanna is right: this book is very thought-provoking and as a parent of adult children, I cringed a bit as I read parts! I first heard Richard Weissbourd interviewed on NPR and this short interview is definitely worth a listen. I loved all the 'park examples' that he included when he was interviewed on Fresh Air.




One compelling idea of Weissbourd is that we parents have made the ideas of happiness and self-esteem overly important in our relationships with our children. My brain started turning, and I would love to discuss these questions with other parents: Shouldn't we want our children to be happy? Shouldn't we want them to have self-esteem? 




Weissbourd brings up compelling topics for discussion, and one of my personal favorites in the book (which actually has the provocative subtitle How Well-intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development) is the chapter entitled 'The Morally Mature Sports Parent.' A close second favorite of mine would be 'When Being Close to Children Backfires.'"




Blessings,

Shanna

Dear Parents,

With a plethora of books on parenting these days, one can wonder how helpful these might be or whose advice is worth listening to.  Michele Postema and I are on our search for the book for a common parent community read this summer.

Last year we encouraged everyone to join us and read Parenting with Presence by Susan Stiffelman. Then in the fall we hosted a time for those interested to share their reflections on the book.  We are busy doing quick reads of various books as we narrow down the possibilities for a book for us all to read.

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.d is one of the books we are considering.  The title got me interested right away as I am fascinated with how the brain works. There is so much new knowledge and research about neurological development happening these days with many implications for how we learn, and apparently, how we parent.  While this is a complex topic, the way it is addressed in this book breaks down the different systems that are operating in the brain in an understandable way.  Not only do we learn about how the brain works, but there are also very practical strategies that parents can readily apply to parenting their children.

The book is filled with anecdotes of children and how parents responded or can respond.  These are presented both graphically and as stories.  Here's an example:  Do you know there are two kinds of tantrums and there are different ways to respond to both?  What is going on in the brain?  What is the best way to respond and what might that look like?

There's another example about how movement can affect a child's release of tension or anxiety.  At the end of each chapter is advice for all of us as parents when we are filled with worry or feel like we are also about to lose it in a tantrum.

One of the best features for me is at the back of the book where it speaks to developmental ages and how the strategies apply to that level of development.  These are some of my thoughts about the book, but Michele has some of her own, which I have invited her to share:

"I completely echo all of Shanna's insights! When people talk about 'brain science,' I often get a glazed look and tune out. However, this book describes brain research in very clear and understandable ways, with incredibly practical "been there/seen that" applications.

I also loved the chart (suitable for copying and posting on the fridge for handy reminders and inspiration) at the end of the book that featured descriptions and applications of the main topics through multiple developmental stages/ages, from 0-3 months to early adolescence.

A Mustard Seed parent recommended this book to me, and then said that she would have loaned it to me, and she didn't want to seem selfish, but she couldn't part with it over the weekend because she used it every day as she parented her children. So I ordered a copy for myself and I completely understand!"

In our minds this book is a definite contender.  I wonder if any of you have read it. Michele and I hope to let you know about a few more books in the coming weeks.  If you have read any of the ones we are reviewing, please feel free to stop and speak with us about them as we continue our search.

Blessings,
Shanna

Dear Parents,

I am looking at my garden, which has been trampled by chunks of trees from the tree service people who came earlier this week to take down four ailanthus trees.  Ailanthus trees, in the world of gardeners, are weed trees -- fast growing, brittle, easily dropping leaves and seeds requiring constant clean up, and they are great for city life.  They can endure all kinds of conditions: dry, wet, cold, heat.  This is true of many weeds that are prone to be invasive.

This makes me think of flourishing, which is the hope for my garden and for your children at school. While the view of my garden is looking a bit bedraggled right now, that is not the view I have at school. The Rocks Class has transitioned into a new developmental place where the classmates they played next to have now become the friends they play with.  The Rivers Class has planted seeds that are sprouting and watching lady bugs develop, all the while their vocabulary is flourishing with words like larva and pupa and hard wings as they send off their ladybugs.  The Sky and Trees classes are just delving into their insect study, which you can read more about in their blog.  There is so much growth that we see at the end of the year.

On Thursday we celebrated Ascension, the fortieth day of Easter, when we remember the mystery and transformation of Christ who is with us on earth while also in heaven.  Springtime reminds us of new life.  The seed transforms into a plant.  The eggs in the nest become birds.  Your children also change in ways that delight us when we look at where they were in the fall.  Transformation is evident and flourishing, and we continue to relish learning together.

Blessings,
Shanna

Dear Parents,

"Plenty good room, plenty good room," is the beginning of a song we have been singing lately in worship. As we sing the song, I invite the children to come and sit around a table cloth.  The parents have been excellent snappers, keeping the rhythm as we sing.  What has been incredible to me is how the children are moving to make space for others and how those invited are finding a space.  The table is always full, if not crowded, but the children seem to know how to find a place to enter in.

We have been learning through the parables about the Kingdom of God. As I look at how the children are responding to this song, it reminds me of the saying of Jesus that if one wanted to be great one needed to be like a child.  The children are showing us the way; they are making plenty good room.  One of the ways to be great is to be welcoming, to find space to make room, and to realize that we all bring our unique gifts to the Kingdom of God.

We will celebrate the unique gifts that each child brings to The Nest as we enter the last six weeks of the school year.   May is upon us and at the end of the month and through June we will begin honoring each child for the unique gift that he or she has brought to the classroom.   We do this during worship.  The teachers, who know their students so well, choose a character quality that describes the child.  A few of the gifts might be words such as lover, gentle, prepared, builder, thoughtful, cheerful, leader, poetic, and yes, welcoming is among them.

There are many gifts and every year all the way through eighth grade at Mustard Seed, a student is recognized for a new gift.  We know that children bring many gifts, a unique compilation of talents and qualities, and each year we highlight one of them.  This is our gift to them and to you as parents.  At the end of the school year at Mustard Seed, we want each student to know and claim the gifts that we see in each one.  Both of my daughters were honored in this way during their years at Mustard Seed, each different in their gifting and each beautiful in the ways they were honored.  As they have grown into young women, I still see those gifts in them today. The one who was prepared and graceful continues to be so.  The one who was earnest and compassionate remains so.  It is a delight to me as I see them bring this into their work and their communities.

What is wonderful about this affirmation and blessing of the students' gifts is that we see the children claim them in a new way.  The builder builds with greater confidence.  The musical person sings with full voice.  The kind person spreads that kindness to more people.  All of this benefits the children, the community, and you, blessing even more in this honoring.

The teachers will be contacting you soon about the dates when your child will be honored.  Often the honoring happens after Memorial Day and during June.  The teachers tell poignant stories that demonstrate the character quality of the student, and your child will receive a very simple medallion stating that quality.  You will want to be there if you are able, not only for your child, but also to delight in how your child's classmates are honored.  Seeing these gifts in the communities we as adults interact with blesses us all.

Surely, there is "plenty good room" despite our weaknesses and failures, for the truth is that we are invited to come, to "share the light," to share our gifts, to choose our "seat and sit down" as the song says. We are invited to celebrate the goodness in the Kingdom of God, in our life with each other, in the gifts that serve and bless us all.  The children show us as they sing and come to join with others, there is plenty good room!

Blessings,
Shanna

Dear Parents,

It is good to struggle.   Earlier in the week I asked Gary Lawrence, who had recently returned from a math conference (where they had to close the doors on his presentation) about a highlight, a moment that stood out to him from the conference.  He spoke about a man who had arrived early to get a front seat, had asked about a triangle problem Gary had placed in a packet, and throughout the session exuded excitement.  He came up to Gary afterwards, as did others, and said that this had been his favorite session at the conference.  "Why would that be?"  I asked.  Gary said he was struggling with thinking about how to share that, but he felt it had a lot to do with who we were as a school since much of his presentation was about students' work.  He sometimes takes students with him to these conferences when the conferences are nearby.  He told me that he needed more time to reflect on that thought, but was grateful for my question.

Beautiful questions. Recently I listened to Krista Tippet's interview of David Whyte, a poet who works with corporations.  One of the thoughts that gave me pause was this idea of beautiful questions.  Gary searches for beautiful problems that will engage students in a struggle.  The triangle problem, which I now have a copy of, is one of those that shows the beauty in math.  That day I asked Gary some questions that shape how we view students and learning and the school, questions that led everyone in the office into wondering and reflecting together.  David Whyte believes that we should ask beautiful questions because they shape a beautiful mind and ultimately a beautiful life.

Teachers set out provocations, intriguing invitations to engage students in learning.  If things are too easy then there is no struggle and little is learned.  The same is true if a task is too difficult.  Knowing the student and the task, composing the question to invite thinking rather than just providing the answer, is all part of the work of the teacher.  I think more and more that the questions we as teachers and parents ask can be more powerful than the information we present.

Yesterday in the teachers' meeting we were deciding on some team goals.  Each team had chosen a habit from the twenty habits we are using as a school.  The chosen habit would guide some of their work with their students in the coming month.  One team was drawn to the habit of wonder and awe, recognizing and appreciating beauty. But as interesting as this might be, they needed to gather evidence and how would they do that?  A beautiful question.  We started to grapple with that.  How would we see or hear wonder? What does awe look like? How would we note it?  The difficulty with trying to gather data on such a habit would not be easy.  I encouraged the teachers to go ahead and pursue the habit; surely we would learn something.  I was intrigued or perhaps had some of my own wonder and awe about where this might lead us.  I offered to help.  At the end of that meeting someone said, "I am glad that you struggle with us."  To struggle alone is hard, but to struggle with others can expand our views and possibilities.  To struggle is good.

Blessings,
Shanna

Dear Parents,

It was the end of the school day.   I was tired.  There was no brain space.  After leading a rather intense meeting, I was about to go off and lead another one at my condo association, where after a year in residence I had reluctantly become co-president (not part of my plan).  As I was getting ready to depart, a teacher asked me if I could give her some wording about emergent curriculum.  My first thought was, how can I even think about yet another thing, but I said yes and tried to formulate some thoughts amidst the chatter of my colleagues.  As she sat down with her laptop I thought about what to say, and the words came, a little more slowly, but from deep within me.  During that exchange I was not tired, but fully engaged with the topic, one about which I am passionate.

As I reflected on this occurrence, I was reminded of the summer course I had taken at Harvard last summer, "The Arts and Passion-Driven Learning."   Curiosity was one of the components that came out in our working through what creates passion-driven learning.  When I think of emergent curriculum, curiosity on the part of the learner is a key component.  The teacher's work is to provoke curiosity or to notice it and respond to it.

Recently the first grade spent time on developing provocations in their class to arouse curiosity about civil rights.  One example was leaving a big cardboard box in their classrooms for awhile.  The children sat in it, wondered about it, and after they had explored the box, the teachers read them the story of someone who had escaped slavery by shipping himself in a box to a free state.  (You can read more about the first grade study in the entrance to the third floor.) This was not the first time the teachers had taught this story, but taking the time to allow for exploration of the box brought out a natural curiosity in the children and fostered empathy with the slave who mailed himself.  A deeper connection was made in their learning.

Another way teachers try to determine where to direct the learning is based on close observation of the children.  What do they seem to be interested in, what captures their attention and moves them.  The play some of the students saw last Friday seemed to have that ability, and so the Sky and Trees teachers developed some activities around those ideas.  Today Mr. Ortega, Noah and Matteo's father, came into volunteer, and Ms. Chalmers transformed the drama area so that he could take some slow shutter photography while the students used flashlights.  The photos that were produced, as well as the transformation of the drama area into a box, has allowed for the possibility of something new to develop.  As the teachers are noting where the energy for learning might be, they are also planning on how to embed that learning with the important skills and knowledge students need to know.

Curiosity is a catalyst for full engagement.   Preschoolers come by it naturally as there is so much that is new to them.  Today I taught a new song in worship that begins with  "Behold".  It is that sense of wide-eyed wonder of beholding that leads to passionate learning.  I often have that sense as I watch the children learn something new.  "Behold, behold I make all things new, beginning with you . . ." This is how God sees us and created us, so that we too can behold and make all things new in our learning.  I hope you have some beholding moments this weekend.

Blessings,
Shanna

Dear Parents,

Hosannas were heard at school today as we begin Holy Week.  This morning each student received a palm, and we all went out to the hall to cheer on Jesus as King. Holy Week is high drama in the preschool as each class is involved in telling a part of the story of Holy Week.  We begin on Friday with everyone as we tell the story of the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem.  

As at Christmas, this is a season when we are confronted with mysteries beyond our comprehension.  God comes to be with us in a very personal way, suffers our pain, and triumphs over death to lead us into new life.  As the children enact the biblical stories of Holy Week, they show us vividly that this is our story also.  

We will be dramatizing these worship stories during our regular worship time in the Sky classroom, and each class will hold a reception the day they present the worship story.  If it is your child’s day to present the story, you are welcome to stay in your child’s classroom until the teachers give you a signal and ask you to find a seat for worship.  If you have an item for the reception following worship, please give it to the parents organizing the reception in the hall.  As you do so, please consider that other families will be walking through the hall and need to pass by.  Worship will begin at 8:30AM as usual.

There will be no Whistle next week, as we will begin our vacation next Friday.  If your child is usually here until 2:50PM, remember that dismissal next Thursday is at 12:00PM for most students.  If your child has an older sibling who is attending Passover, your child will be dismissed at 1:00PM.  

Blessings,

Shanna